"Internally Indigo"....Javier Ramos..The Indigo

Today was a bit of a set back..i felt like i had heart burn all day.with it being a little painful to swallow..i also felt tired and am not sure if it was the nights sleep i had..i think i got bitten by a spider which kept me up...but goday id lost that magic,,or was it the heat..who knows but the heat is continuing
Still trying to avoid conversations im thinking no not in this heat not when im feeling like this...


Breakfast
organic coffee with bonsoy
soy latte

lunch
beaf and black bean sauce rice noodles
sparkling water

snack
olives
home grown tom tom tomatos

dinner
beef black bean sauce with veges
chinese broccolli with garlic sauce

chai latte
2 glasses of water

olives stuffed with anchovies

Starling

I saw a Seagull far from sea
then i thought he could be....Javier Ramos ...The Starling

A day off and it was wonderful...sat in the sun i cleaned i sang and wrote songs and recorded three..The Broken which im very excited about..the starling which i wrote and recorded today on my autoharp and the day///i saw the movie Weekend which was good.


BREAKFAST
Two egg Omelette mushroom and tomato
organic coffee with bonsoy

lunch
pumpkin/swede parsnip soup
beetroot carrot and apple juice
organic coffee with bonsoy

Dinner
grilled fish chips and salad
peppermint tea
leftover yearling beef
Olive and Anchovies

I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs, I've made some bad rhyme
I've acted out my life in stages with ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you...Whitney Houston


After 43 reviews i was pretty much had it..Still seething about the scratches comment..In me I felt angry for the first time for i knew what he meant.I felt discriminated and once again dirty..I ignored the phone message hoping it would go away part of me who is not me  feeling like crap because of it the other half relieved as i was saved from the confrotaion and the worry...Like a rocking horse not going anywhere..


Breakfast
Organic coffee with Bonsoy
Blueberry/banana egg pancakes


Snack
Pistacho


Lunch
Pumpkin/swede and parsnip soup


Snack
Beetroot carrot celery and apple juice


Dinner
Chinese Brocolli with Garlic Sauce
Yearling Beef with Veges and peking sauce (laksha King)


Peppermint tea

Open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darlin'
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key....Madonna

Hon? Deep Scratches from a cat that hates me that i brought into our lives.Irritable because quarter past 7 was really 7.30...evenings spent in the kitchen..Is the universe trying to tell me something..instead of going north I went North west and took the cat to the vet..meanwhile that fifteen minuet showing happened without me ..and yet do i have  a second chance ...a second chance with anything?..Meanwhile I do feel great..Inside its like my body wants to be happy but my head is still in purgatory...I NEED ...

Breakfast

Orgainc Coffee with Bonsoy

Egg/Banana Pancakes

Soy Latte (brother budder buddah)

Snacks

Pistacho 

Raw nuts

Lunch

Kelp Noodles with Homemade sauce

Snacks

Olives with anchovies

Chorizo

Dinner

Cinnamon Chicken

Roasted Cauliflauer with Mint and Pommegranets

Steamed Broccoli

Snacks 

Peppermint Tea

MSM

! Blueberry banana pancake

For all you broken-hearted lovers lost
Go find another one
'Cause you know time won't wait and you'll be late
White rabbits on the run.....Vanessa Carlton...Carousel


Happy now distraught...Whats he mean bunking in? Do I ignore it...Well just for tonight I will...Whats he mean?...Why do people always go that extra step...why am i getting hot..What the fuck do I say? The first night I organise something and down he comes...What does he mean???...DO i have to change all my plans ..What will Paul say?...Oh fuck ..oh fuck...Why is it when you give people an inch they impose?..Why is his phone on a blocked number..


Breakfast
Green Tea
Brother Budda Buddha Soy Latte
Pistacho (thanks Natalia)


Lunch
Spicy Tomato Soup
Pineapple Grapefruit Juice


Snacks
Pistacho
Raw Nuts


Dinner
Kelp Noodles with Organic Tomato/Mushroom/Capsicum and Chorizo sauce
Peppermint Tea
Sleep Tea

I Look To You

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I’ve been through
Who on earth can I turn to?..Whitney Houston I Look To You


Not a good eating day..my egg wasnt cooked i drove down to gtown and started work early at 11..i felt a bit tired today..no magic still thinking a million things and not commiting to anything..be brave however now im getting mixed signals..his extra nice to me...and he seems happier..I'm not..Sometimes thing loom simple sometimes they look like way too much energy..I think of the freedom and then I think of the challenge..And what a challenge it is...i look forward to a good rest.


Breakfast
Organic Coffee with Bonsoy
Banana


Snacks/Lunch
Crackling
Pine Nuts
Pumpkin Seeds
Tuna
Chorizo
Sweet Potato Chips
2 Bottles of Water


Dinner
Coffee with Milk
Tortilla
Tomato with Vinegar Oil (thanks mum)
Jamon/Chorizo
Peppermingt Tea

"In the visions glare 
I can see you there
your mixing up the cake
there is laughter where
there's a heart that cares"....Javier Ramos..Burning cake


So he just had to talk about it...words like not healthy, playing it safe the painful conversation drove me to sleep..all day i went through emotions anger loss cofusion undecided about my future..My appetite was low today as the beautiful day did not much the tumoltuous emotions...Still indecisive....Fuck!


Breakfast
Organic Coffee with Bonsoy
Salami Egg Mushroom and Tomato Omelette with Salsa Verde


Lunch
Chorizo from Ultramares
Split Olives
Sundried Tomatoes
Orange Lime and Mint Juice


snack 
Crackling
Organic Coffee


Dinner
Steak with Salsa verde
Rocket/Spinich Avocado and Tomato Salad with Sesame Oil and Balsamic


Snack
Crackling
Sparkling Water

Someone Like Me

So I'll be your clownBehind the glassGo 'head and laugh 'cause it's funnyI would too if I saw me
 EMELI SANDE - CLOWN 


SO i continued on this productive efficient me..I shaved my stomache and now am ready for the next stage...fitness..tomorrow might be a good start...i still feel more energised..more alert when i wake even though i had some fumbling gymnastics last night im home on a friday night and content...i have very little planned tomorrow which is cool..listened to the new emile sande album which was the bomb...


BREAKFAST
Coffee with Bonsoy
boiled egg
Sirena Tuna


Snack
Sweet Potato chips]
Soy Latte (thanks Andy)


Lunch
Coconut Cream Mushrooms with Lamb and Snow Peas
SParkling Water


Snack
Raw nut Mix
Orange and Mint Freshly Squeezed Juice


Dinner
Rump Steak with Home made Salsa Verde (tomato jalapenos onion and coriander)
roast carrots/pumpkin with streamed broccolli
2 slices of cantalope
peppermint tea

Over And Over

Hurry up, I just can't wait
I gotta do it now I can't be late
I know I'm not afraid I gotta get out the door
If I don't do it now I won't get anymore
You try to criticize my drive
If I lose I don't feel paralyzed
It's not the game it's how you play

And if I fall I get up again now....Madonna..Over and Over

So my words for the day was Happy Productive and efficient and i think with this diet I feel energized..Things went really well at work..It was somewhat controlled..I bought a record palyer with a tinny sound..Hey perfect I say..I have music in my life...Ifelt in control and I actually enjoyed my power today..After a night on the couch and a very healthy day. It rained big fat drops today. I lectured Kevin..deleted a mean email i was gonna send to Phung..oH i just remembered i got to look at Jo's application..Pauls dancing tonight and the house is still hot with a Tinny Into the Groove playing in the spare room...

BREAKFAST

Organic Coffee with Bonsoy

Chilli Tuna (thanks Natalia)

Boiled Egg

Snacks

Walnuts Pistacho

Lunch

Kale Cauliflauer Soup

Snacks

White Anchovies

Dinner

Olives

A Coconut Cream Lamb and Mushroom Stew with Snow Peas and Broccolii

A Cup of Peppermint Tea

All At Once

"don't put me off cos I'm on fire"...Burning Up..Madonna

What a crazy crazy day...Cancel the mother F if you don't want it it's so simple..Meanwhile Tim is majorly pissing me off...Love Love love..where is it in me??? Grisella taking some more time off and i have to stand infront of everyone and become Grisella..Its very warm and despite the fat drops that fell as we left work im counting down both my health kick diet and this summer...

Breakfast
Organic Coffee with Bonsoy
Boiled Egg
Sirena Tuna

Snacks
Pistacho
Walnuts
Kale Crisp left overs

Lunch
Spicy Tomato Soup
Freshly squeezed Orange/Ginger Juice

Snacks
White Anchovies
Organic Green Olives
2 Chicken wings

Dinner
Rocket Chicken avocado Tomato Basil Alad with lemon oil vinegarette
small Bowl of Kale/Cauliflour Soup with Leek Ham and Mushroom and Garlic

Valentino

Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me..Whitney Houston Run To You


What a mixed up day. From dealing with the tiffs at work and everything else it was quiet a mixed bag. So George is a freak ok why didn't i pick that from Phung the midget I had three phone calls last night Jonathan Sam and Ray..I love it that Jon is back in my life though i feel a little reserved about telling him about my sexuality..A conversation I still avoid I mean c'mon this was a man I was totally infatuated with for so long..How do you come out to some one like that..I went to Paul's parents place and Wendy was quiet emotional speaking of her mother and some not so fond memories.is the house to be built if so which one...Paul seems to be a little nicer to me which is nice.. How am I feeling still seem to have heaps more energy..i notice myskin a bit dry and wrinkles creeping in those damn years i spent smiling leaving a mark...


Breakfast
Organic Coffee BonSoy Milk
Orange And  mInt Juice
Boiled egg
Sirena Tuna


Snacks
left over Kale Chips
Pistacho's 
Almonds


Lunch
Paleo Pizza ham pineapple tomato puree mushrooms and kalamata olives


2 bottles of sparling water
olives
White Anchovies




Dinner
Corned Beef
Cabbage Carrot, mash,green beans
2 slices of cantalope
T2 Tummy tea

Tell Me Why

"A few stolen moments is all that we share "...Whitney Houston


Grouchy grouch grouch...Mondays are certainly challenging from blasting that stupid staff member for whatever and god it was 8.16 and you couldn't look it up?  So although clearer i think maybe a lack of sleep..I'm still getting very hungry at night which is bothering Paul..Anyway I've been sneezing a bit..currently watching the Body Guard...Oh Whitney..


Breakfast
Organic Coffee and Bonsoy
Sunflower Crisps
Kale Chips
Sirena Tuna


Snacks
Macadamia Nuts
Water with Mint Leaves


Lunch
Paleo Pizza with Ham Organic Tomato Puree Pineapple Ham of the Bone and Mushrooms


Sparkling Water


Dinner
Organic Green Olives
Roasted Organic Pumpkin Roasted Carrots and Roasted Tomato
Blade Steak drizzled with Fresh Garlic and Parsley
and Steamed Broccoli
Orange And Mint Juice


Cup of Peppermint Tea

Whitney

If tomorrow is a judgement day (sing mommy)
And I'm standin' on the front line
And the Lord ask me what I did with my life
I will say I spent it with you......Whitney Houston..My Love is Your Love

Not a regular Sunday as I wasn't working but I still went to Geelong  to have breakfast with Vanessa. Was nice to have some one on one time with Vanessa we breakfasted at Winters and gossiped like teenagers..I then went saw my parents and then Paul told me the shocking News of Whitney Houston's death. I was at the antique store and spurned on by something unknown i decided that i was going to collect old Lps Whitney's album was one of the first I picked. I just realised as I was listening to her music that I came out to her when I was 17 singing Someone For Me in the mirror..So sad I washed my car and bidded on a picture disc by Madonna..Erotica for a ridiculous amount of money..Washed my car and made my bunny terrarium..Still trying to avoid something...I felt like I had lots of energy today my tummy is settling...I cooked lots found out the green parrot visiting us is a Indian Ring Necked Parakeet..or Harry as i call him..


BREAKFAST
Organic Coffee with Bonsoy
Freshly squeezed orange and mint juice
Soy Latte
2 Poached eggs Tomato,Ham of the Bone,Mashed Avocado and Mushrooms


Snack
Glass of Fresh Mint Tea (thanks Dad)
Pistacho Nuts
Peppermint Tea


Lunch
Twiggy,Egg,Mushroom Omelette with Rocket and Garden Picked Tomato


Snack
organic coffee with bonsoy
peppermint tea


DINNER
Free Range Chicken and Organic Tomato Puree with Mushrooms Garlic Spring Onion Home Grown Zucchini with a side of Steamed Broccoli and Carrot
2 Slices Of Cantalope
2 Glasses of Mint Lime Water (in my new monkey jug)
Peppermint tea

Find My Way

And I can always find my way
But I can’t come back the way I came
I can’t come back the way I came.

KRYSTLE WARREN - Circles


Saturday the day I was born. Paul came home at 3 am looking for Albert..I got up earlyish a buzz of activity cleaning cooking as he slept. I then went to Smith street to check out the Organic shop. Although am feeling a bit yuck its a bit better. My stomache feels like I've had a bug however it looks flatter. I felt i had the time and energy to shop bought two books and some moisturizer. I spent the afternoon between the Tv and the rabbits. He seems nicer to me but then he had to go to his friends things. Jon had been ringing me all day i finally called back and he arranged to pick me up to go to the city to see Pink Floyd.It was good to see him and Hendrix. His message was amusing. I'm scared of this "talk"I'm hoping it's not tonight...please I don't feel i can handle this tonight...I just want to relax....And find my way...


BREAKFAST
Almond pancakes with Lemon
Coffee with Bon Soy
Beetroot Celery Carrot Apple Juice


Snacks
Soy Latte
Pea Chips


Lunch
Mushrooms Tomato Salami with Two eggs Rocket Avocado and Olives
Orange and Mint Juice


Snacks 
Peppermint Tea
Tummy Tea


Dinner
Lamb Shanks with Mash
San Peligrino
Bottled Water


Peppermint Tea

Are we human?
Or are we dancers?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human
Or are we dancers?.....The KILLERS


Friday .....there always good..I think..I cant say i felt the magic..It was busy i had moments where i had to check on my commitment and to an extent it worked..From the train ride together I dreaded coming home but didnt need to worry as he was out drunk and calling me honey...I suppose in a way it excited me and gave me hope till i realised the burning question of how much this was induced by the alcohol..Something i'm abstaining from..To be honest i felt a little worse bloated having the runs i sort of had no appetitie for food though i forced myself to eat and with my stomache groaning..watching sex in the city alone..teaching the monkey the difference from speak to spoke...she learnt something today..


BREAKFAST
Coffee with Bonsoy
sunflower/flax crisps
Green tea


Snacks
Macadamia nuts
Pistacho
Kale Yellow Chips


Lunch 
Kelp noodles with Bolognase mushroom sauce


SNACK
Walnuts
Hungarian Salami
Apple Carrot Beetroot and Celery Juice


Dinner
Beef Stirfry with Tomato Pineapple Carrot Mushroom Brocolli and Capsicum


T2 Tummy Tea

Pisces

So how how will I go
Back on back on the shelf
With a smile with a smile
To the customer and say
On sale by the owner...Tori Amos


So the clarity has come to me. I think im feeling the effects this diet is having on me.I felt clearer a little more energized and clean I suppose.Still losing patience when they come in with their problem. I think from now on I will take the ownership. I saw Miranda today who re iterated WHATS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN>>>IVE HEARD THAT BEFORE BUT SOMETHING SHE MISPRONOUNCED ME SAY RESOUNDS WITH ME 'i am worthy" i actually said unworthy but her belief in this little UN gave me pride..Could I be better off..How am I living in fear of being rejected all the time. Have i the strength to face this conversation? Anyway my food diary as follows..


Breakfast
Coffee with Coconut Milk
Beetroot,Carrot,Apple juice
Slice of Banana Bread
Banana
Chamomile Tea


Snacks
Almonds
Pistacho
Walnuts


Lunch
Rocket,Tomato,Chilli Tuna egg salad with lemon vinagarette
Banana


Sparkling Water
Sunflower Crisp


Dinner
Bolognase Sauce with Kelp Noodles


Herb Tonic
Male essentials Tablet




Miranda gave me a similar diet however it included roasted rice which apparetly changes the composition of rice from a carb to a protein as well as Soy Milk (BONSOY)
Have found little info on this however it is appealing..

Walshy And Age

Na na na na C'MON....Lady Gaga

well this was hump day and am feeling a little flat..i dont if its the on coming talk that has got me apprehensive...funny how your voice cracks when you try to be strong..i yearn for rain ...i went to lazy moes for a double send off..funny how most of the people there dont work with those people anymore...still we are a close bunch...I feel a little bloated..im feeling the hunger a bit as i indulge in the nuts and banana cake etc...

BREAKFAST
Half a Coffee with Coconut Cream
Piece of Banana Bread
1 Banana
Pistacho
Chamomile TEA (thanks Natalia)

Lunch
Sweet Potato Chicken and Lime Soup

Snacks
Brazil Nuts
Almonds
Banana Bread
Sparkling Water

Dinner
Chorizo in Napoli Sauce with Poached egg Capsicum and Red Onion
Green salad with Olive oil and vinegar dressing
cup of Chamomile Tea

So yer feeling a bit tired like my lights out..At night i do get the hungry's last night i didn't act on it and stayed in bed...Was good to see Sue Friend and Linyle..So wary to share my burden i looked at Maidstone in a different light

L.U.V Madonna Y.O.U You wanna?

So Grisella was on fire today berating the down trodden who just didn't listen. The little one was specifically told not to move..and she moved...so what did she expect except looking at me with these what the fuck eyes mean what was i to do I was merely just walking past her. And Jesus where did Bethy get the 6 months from that arrogant man was screaming I mean I felt like ripping his head off..And when you ask someone why are you here..Mr Grouch..OUCH!! And The asian princess may look a little lost but she is as clever as ever working out the psychology of why she was all of the sudden a target to Grisella's wrath.. Well Back to day Two and god 28 days to go. I did feel a little better maybe just a little dehydrated. I feel I need to slow down a little..Grouch..OUCH! my skin tone looks a little better..I was shocked that most ham was not
Breakfast
1 Coffee with Coconut Cream
4 LSA/EGG Toasts spread with Nut Butter


Snacks 
Sweet Potato Chips
Brazil Nuts
Almonds


Lunch
Spicy Tomato Soup
Orange Strawberry Lime Juice


Snack
Pistacho
2 Twiggy's
Green Tea
Sparkling Water


Dinner
Pork Chops Drizzled with Granny Smith Apple and Balsamic Vinegar
Steamed Broccoli/Carrot and Mushroom 
Glass of Orange and Mint juice
Slice of Home made Paleo Banana Bread

Day 1..Day 1

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense for now
I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we.....Alanis Morissette


So after a weird sleep where the landlord evicted himself without my knowledge I woke in Stilted sleep dreaming and scheming of options..I woke early ready to take on my first day..
Throughout the day i felt irritable short tempered and short patience and Im not sure to account that to my diet for the day or the lack of sleep and busyness..So anyway my food diary is as follows
Breakfast
Two cups of black organic coffee whitened with coconut milk
Two Free range eggs (thanks Cathy) scambled with a dash of Ghee


Snacks
Sweet Potato Chips
Brazil Nuts
LSA/Egg Cracker


Lunch
Egg Drop Soup With Chicken
Orange Carrot and Ginger Juice


Bottle of Sparkling Water


Dinner
Rump Steak topped with Mushrooms Garlic Tomato and Parsley
Salad -Tomato Rocket Kalamata Olives and avocado drizzled in lemon/vinegar/olive oil
Two glasses of freshly squeezed Orange/Mint Juice
and a cup of Peppermint Tea


Thanks Madonna 


a cup of peppermint tea